Encapsulated

I curl up in a ball,
Intricately woven together –
Like a ball of yarn.
The kitten of pain –
Pats and taps,
Taunting my encased soul.
“Feel”, she said.
“Feel the pain.”

This incessant nudge.
Trying to hide –
How can I hide when I’m already drowning in my own tears?
My ball is filling quickly –
Death is inevitable.
Either drown in my own tears…
Or face the pain.

© S. Slate 2016

Monsters

A Wolf in Sheep’s clothing –
Buttering me up for the roasting.
A dinner I was to attend,
The main course of the boyfriend.
Evil eyes, in your ties –
Little did I know,
Your mind, an iceberg –
Truly disturbed.

I never really knew Monsters existed.
In this life, my Spirit was truly tested.
The shadows in the night were real,
Out of the closet you came, for I was your blood meal –
My fate, then sealed –
As you crept up, my journey began,
I lay there still sleeping,
Now in the grasp of a Monster’s hands.

Fast forward …
Then began the horrors –
A hammer to the head,
Was better than sex – you said.
You sat there in mock orgasm,
Your body going into spasm.
As your eyes rolled into the back of your head –
A smile across your face, at the thought of the dead.

My eyes wide, what have I done?
I sat there frozen,
Why couldn’t I just run?
I’ve never been so afraid-
Little did I know, the price I was about to pay.
My soul, entrusted to another human-
Your mind, utterly inhuman.

What was I to do?
My soul, turning a cobalt blue.
My fear – crippling
You sat there, belittling.
My head to the floor,
I deserved it all and more.
Disgusted with myself,
You made sure I didn’t have anybody else.

As I sat there alone,
Assessing my situation –
You get used to the abuse,
As you make every excuse…
As to why you deserve this,
Bruises sealed with a kiss…
Words healed,
As the “past” fades into the Abyss…

My ignorance was my bliss,
As you came with a smile and a kiss-
You seemed innocent enough,
Disbelieving your lies, at first, was tough.
You had a good front,
As you rolled your blunt –
Wish you would of just been upfront.

Because at first I was blind –
Realization took me a long time…
Too little, too late –
My ship sailed, and I was the bait..
I fought the tides, and I fought the current,
Finally caught, in the undercurrent.
Between the rocks your line broke,
Thank God I was finally free,
The Spirit in me finally awoke!

My tragedy then finally over,
As I escaped your killer nature,
My Ego died, my Spirit crossed over.
Happy times, now isn’t just a Reminiscence,
Never again will I be plagued with my previous acquiescence.

*S. Slate 2016*

Photo Credit: https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/09/17/from-the-mouths-of-rapists-the-lyrics-of-robin-thickes-blurred-lines-and-real-life-rape/

Death of the Ego

I’ll scratch the surface for you.
A scratch and sniff
Of death and decline.
I hold my heart in my hands for you.
Black plague of my morality-
Self loathing in totality-
But for tonight I’ll be true
Sending shivers up my spine
As I tell the tale of my decline.

There was once upon a time,
A girl so sweet.
So sweet-
A babe with a treat.
Though you wouldn’t even notice,
She was just a dying lotus.
A hate so deep running through her veins-
Her spirit, her heart
So lonely and in pain.

Nothing went right
Her smile even trite.
Then came along
The man with the hat..
So evil-
But tended
To her upheaval.
Built her up-
But then knocked her down,
Crying was her only sound
As she fell to the ground.

Never did she expect
That her own inner dialect,
Was the root of her decline,
As the events fell in line.
A self-worth-
That was void of love’s girth.
A tragedy then birthed.

This was the death of her Ego,
Far beyond a placebo.
Her soul tired,
Her heart,
Just yearning to expire.

But, one thing she’ll never regret-
She found her worth,
You can bet!
Never again, will she have fear in her eyes!
Never again, will she fall for someone’s lies!

After her lessons,
Came the blessings-
The one thing
That keeps her life going,
Is the thought-
Of true Love’s Divine ringing,
Her soul, forever singing!

Would she ever be blessed?
Could she ever guess-
That the matching piece,
Would help put her soul to peace?

This is what keeps her going.
Even though never knowing-
If it’s all in spite..
Her Dream World, so trite.
But still she believes,
With all her might!

*S. Slate 2016*

The Escape

I trusted you to keep me safe.
Naive as could be,
I truly didn’t see.
The trap I was walking into,
From yellow to blue
Nothing was true.

..Unspeakable things,
Terror it brings.
To mind
Of the time…
Never mind.

My fear, that was forever Dear,
My heart locked in its cage.
Mind full of rage-
You would engage.
Yet… trapped,
Resources tapped.

247-
No solitude given.
No where to escape,
Heart full of hate.
I just put too fucking much on my plate.

Obedience was survival-
Yet, utterly suicidal.
Couldn’t do it though-
Couldn’t leave her,
Wouldn’t hear her heart purr.

She was my guiding light-
My joy, despite.
To look into her eyes-
I had to get her out of his ties.
Then one day I got sick-
Too soon to feel a kick.
My eyes wide,
I started to cry.
I just had to try.

My pain taught me how to live-
My anguish taught me how to
extinguish-
The fear in my soul,
Even though,
It took its toll.
The escape-
Is the act I needed to take.

*S. Slate 2016*

A Steward of Pain

The truest of true-
Forever blue.
Such poison and agony..
Mis-constructed alchemy.

The pieces of my soul – you stole
Your abuse took its toll.
Though you never knew,
How much you affected me..
I sit here burdened-
Of memories heard,
Never blurred.
Always felt,
But never dealt.

Pushed in a corner-
You took pleasure
Of the fear in my eyes.
As i sigh,
My pain was your treasure.
My torture
Was your fortune.

Finally escaping
With my life-
Now my life,
Void of strife.

But, you will always hold
Those pieces of my soul-
My loss
Was your gain-
In torment
And in pain.

*S. Slate 2016*